Words from the Heart
by MoonWiccan6
Summary: What will Dawn do when she finds Buffy's poetry?


Title: Words from the Heart

Author: Ripper's Girl

Rating: FRT (teens)

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'Smashed', 'Wrecked' didn't exactly happen except that Willow gave up magic

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, FOX, etc. I'm just borrowing them for a little while.

Feedback: Do I have to beg? Because I will, really, I have no shame

Summary: What will happen when Dawn finds Buffy's poetry?

Pairings: B/G, W/T

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Walking in the door, Dawn called out cheerfully, "Anybody home?" Hearing only silence, she went into the kitchen to look for something to eat. It was Friday so she was in a good mood. No more school until Monday and tonight was movie night. Dawn had been surprised when Buffy came home one night with movies for them to watch. She had been thrilled that Buffy was finally acknowledging that she had a sister. It had now become their weekly thing. Sometimes the others would join them, but usually it was just the two sisters. It had given them a chance to bond and Dawn felt that they had grown closer than they were before their mom had died.

Grabbing a bag of pretzels and a soda, Dawn headed back to the living room. She was impressed with the changes in Buffy since that night. She had spent more time with Dawn and even allowed her to help with research sometimes. Not a lot, but Dawn was just happy to be included at all. Buffy had also gotten a job at the Doublemeat Palace. It was a crappy job and she knew that Buffy hated it, but at least it helped pay the bills.

Putting her snacks down on the coffee table, Dawn began searching for the remote. She remembered when Buffy had told them all that she had staked Spike. It had taken an enormous amount of self-control on Xander's part not to get up and start dancing. At first, Dawn had been a little upset, but she knew that it was probably for the best. She also knew that there was more to the story than what Buffy had told them, but she wasn't talking.

Finally finding the remote behind the television, Dawn flopped onto the couch, but was quickly standing again. "Ouch!" she cried, rubbing her bottom. Setting the remote next to her food, she bent down to see what had jabbed her. Stuffed between the cushions of the couch was a spiral-bound journal. Pulling it out, she quickly recognized the beautiful leather covered journal as the one Giles had give Buffy for her birthday last year.

"What was it doing stuffed in the couch?" Dawn wondered out loud. Sitting back down, she looked at the journal in her hands. She wondered if it was anything like hers. She knew she shouldn't, but it didn't stop her from slowly opening the cover. Dawn was surprised when instead of the journal entries she expected; she saw verses of poetry. [It's not like I'm reading her journal. It's just poems.] she thought, trying to justify her actions. By the fifth poem Dawn knew two things. One, she had been wrong. These poems were just as personal as any journal entry. The second was that there was no way she'd be able to stop reading until she reached the end of the book. The poems were so compelling and they came straight from the heart.

By the time Dawn had finished the book; she was in tears. There had been some sweet poems about love and friendship, but there had also been dark poems that revealed the true horror of Buffy's nightly life and all that she had been through. [And this is only for less than a year of her life. I wonder what her other poems are like?] she thought. Wanting to reread the last poem again, she didn't hear the front door open and close quietly. "Hey, Dawnie," Willow said in greeting. "Whatcha reading?" Jumping, Dawn snapped the journal shut quickly.

"Oh, um, nothing," she squeaked guiltily. Seeing Dawn's guilty face, Willow took a closer look at the book she had been reading.

"Dawn!" Willow gasped. "Did Buffy say you could read that?"

"Well, um, not exactly," Dawn replied, not quite looking Willow in the eye.

"Dawn," Willow said forcefully, making Dawn look up.

"Have you ever read any of her poems?" she asked Willow, curious.

"A few," Willow admitted. She had enjoyed the ones she read and had wanted to read more, but Buffy was very protective of her poems. "But only the ones she _let _me read," Willow continued sternly.

Dawn blushed but asked, " Did you ever read any from this one?"

"No," Willow replied. "That's around the time she stopped showing me any."

"I think I know why," Dawn said, opening the book to on of the first few pages.

"Here," she said, holding it out to Willow. "Read this one."

"No, Dawnie, I couldn't," Willow protested. As much as she wanted read it, she couldn't invade her friend's privacy like that.

"Do you want to make up for what you did to her?" Dawn asked bluntly. She knew she wasn't really being fair, but Dawn needed Willow's help if she was going to pull this off.

Willow flinched and whispered, "Yes."

"Then read this one and the last one," Dawn said, shoving the book into her hands. "I have an idea, but I'm going to need your help."

Sighing in resignation, Willow began to read the poem Dawn had opened to. Dawn almost laughed when Willow's eyes got almost comically large. "Buffy…but…she…I…" she stuttered. Dawn couldn't hold it back any longer and began to laugh. Willow glared at her, but managed to finally string some words together, "I can't believe she didn't tell me. I can't believe I didn't see it. They were so close."

"I know," Dawn said sadly. "It's too bad that she didn't say anything."

"Do you think he feels the same?" Willow asked. Dawn just stared at her like she had grown another head. "Okay, yeah, that was a stupid question. What was the other one you wanted me to read?"

"The last one," Dawn replied. Willow flipped to the last page and read. When she was done, she had to wipe away the tears that had formed in her eyes.

"I had no idea," Willow said softly.

"So, are you gonna help me fix this?" Dawn asked.

"You bet," Willow said, giving her a smile. "We may have to get Tara involved, too." Dawn just smiled back. She was glad that she would finally be able to do something to make her sister better.

***********

Dawn and Willow were trying to figure out exactly what they were going to do when the front door burst open and Tara ran in. "I got here as fast as I could. What's the matter?" she asked out of breath.

Willow, noticing Dawn's blush, asked, "Dawn, what exactly did you say to Tara when you called her?" Tara, sensing that there was no real danger, focused her attention on the teenager as well.

"All I said was that we needed her help," Dawn replied. "And, well, I might have said that she should hurry," she added sheepishly.

"Dawnie," Willow admonished.

"Sorry," Dawn said, "but this is important. I want Buffy to be happy again."

"So, what's so important that I had to rush over here?" Tara asked. Dawn handed her the journal and showed her the two poems to read. Tara read them silently and then said, "What are we going to do then?" Dawn squealed and gave her a hug.

"Ok, well, I wanted to just tear out the poems and send them to Giles, but Willow pointed out that Buffy would probably notice if two of her poems were missing. Then Willow suggested we go to Kinko's and make copies, but since neither of us can drive we wouldn't be able to make it back before Buffy got home," Dawn explained, pausing to catch her breath. "That's where you come in, since you know, you have a car.

Tara nodded, trying not to laugh at the younger girls obvious enthusiasm. "Let's go then," she said and the three girls headed out.

******************

The three girls returned home with two beautiful, color copies. As soon as they got inside Dawn found an envelope, addressed it to Giles, and stuck the copies in it. She sealed the envelope and handed it to Tara who stuck it in her purse. She would mail it out tomorrow morning from her place so Buffy wouldn't see it. Dawn was just shoving the journal back into the couch where she had found it, when the door opened. Dawn jumped guiltily away from the couch and turned to see who had just come in. "Buffy!" she cried. "You're home."

Buffy gave Dawn a strange look, but said, "Yeah, and guess what movie I brought for us to watch."

"What?" Dawn asked.

"You're favorite," Buffy replied. "Harry Potter."

"Yay!" Dawn cried. "I'll go make the popcorn." The other three laughed.

"Can we stay?" Willow asked. "I love that movie."

"Sure," Buffy replied, shrugging out of her coat. "The more the merrier. I'm just going to go change out of my uniform and I'll be back down." She handed the movie to Willow before heading upstairs.

Willow watched her friend ascend the stairs and then turned to Tara, "We're doing a good thing, right?"

"You bet," Tara said, smiling back.

*************

Giles sighed and looked around his flat. He had been back in England for over a month already and yet his flat was still filled with boxes. He just couldn't seem to bring himself to unpack them. It would make his being here, away from her, too permanent. Shaking his head at this line of thought, he got up and moved to the nearest box. He began to open it when the doorbell rang. [It's a sign,] he thought to himself wryly. Going to the door, he opened it to find his friendly, but annoying, mailman. "Guess what, Rupert," he said cheerily.

"I haven't the faintest idea, John," Giles replied testily. At least he didn't have to deal with John too often. The only mail he usually got were the weekly invoices from Anya.

"You've got a letter!" John cried excitedly.

"It's just my weekly invoices," Giles replied, but John shook his head back and forth.

"Nope. I know what those look like and this is different." He pulled the letter out of his bag. "See, it's a smaller envelope, plus the handwriting is different." Trying to get a closer look at the letter in John's hand, Giles had to admit that it did indeed look different from the invoices that Anya sent him.

"Well, thank you," he said, trying fruitlessly to take the letter from him.

"Do you know who it's from?" John asked. "It doesn't have a return address, though it is postmarked from the same place as those invoices."

"I don't know who it's from," Giles replied, frustrated. "Could I please have my letter now?"

"There's no need to get testy," John said, looking hurt, but he handed Giles the letter. "Well, good day." Giles shut the door, only feeling slightly bad about being rude to John. He just didn't see how someone could be that cheerful all the time. It didn't help that he could barely find a reason to be cheerful even part of the time. Turning the letter over in his hand he tried to figure out whom it could be from. He immediately ruled out Xander, knowing the boy's handwriting could never be this neat, even though it looked like the address had been scrawled in a hurry. He knew it wasn't Tara because he had gotten a letter from her before, soon after he had left. Buffy was ruled out as well. She hadn't spoken to him since he had left so he wasn't really expecting a letter from her anytime soon. Besides the fact that he would know her handwriting anywhere. That left him with Dawn or Willow. His vote was on Dawn, since he phoned weekly to check on the girl. She had sounded much better his last few calls, so he hoped that meant that Buffy was getting her act together.

He sat down and carefully opened the letter. Inside he found two color copies. He recognized both the pages and the handwriting immediately. They were copies of pages from the journal he had given Buffy for her birthday last year and it was indeed her handwriting on the pages. He was curious as to why Dawn would send him pages from Buffy's journal. He doubted Buffy knew that Dawn had done this. As much as he knew he probably shouldn't read them, he wanted to see why Dawn had sent them to him. He picked up the first one and read it.

We've grown so close this year

Almost like it used to be

It's us against the world

It's only you and me

Destiny brought us together

And I thank the Powers that Be

Every day, that you're my Watcher

That you were sent to me

You brighten up my life

A light shining through the darkness

You smile at me that certain way

And I know that I am blessed

I love you with all that I am

You have my heart and soul

I couldn't live without you

We are two halves of a whole

I love to sit and watch you

And I love when you watch me

I don't know what your feelings are

So I'll love you silently

Giles could feel his eyes watering. It was a beautiful poem. He had no idea that Buffy had felt this way. He wondered if she still did. He picked up the other one.

I cry myself to sleep

But no one ever hears

There is no one to dry my eyes

No one to ease my fears

Curled up into a ball

A huddled mass of pain

My eyes let out the tears

Like the clouds let out the rain

Every day's the same

I drag myself from bed

Hoping that day will be different

Hoping I won't feel dead

I'm stuck here in the dark

My glimpse of light has gone

I turned away from him

Becoming more withdrawn

He left me on my own

Too angry was I to care

To spite him and myself

I sought solace elsewhere

But it only brought more pain

And I hate what I have done

So I lie here in the shadows

And dream about the one

I dream that someday he'll come back

My prince to sweep me off my feet

To bring me out into the light

Where my heart will once again begin to beat

The tears that had threatened to fall before now slid silently down his cheeks. He knew immediately whom she had taken "solace" in, though it was obvious she hadn't found what she was looking for. Dawn had mentioned to him that Buffy had staked Spike and it made more sense now. He reread the poems, thinking about what he should do. Looking around his flat and then back down at the poems in his hand, he knew that there was really only one choice he could make. Laying the poems down carefully on the table, he went to make some phone calls.

**************

Dawn was upset. It had been more than two weeks since they had mailed Giles those poems, but there was still no sign that he was going to do anything about it. She had talked to him since then, but he hadn't mentioned anything. She wanted to bring it up, but couldn't think of a way that didn't incriminate herself. She had been so sure that her plan would work and she'd be able to get the old Buffy back. Sighing, Dawn went to start dinner so it would be ready when Buffy got home from work.

Dinner had been unappetizing as usual, but Buffy had forced herself to eat so that Dawn wouldn't worry. She was trying. Really, she was. But it just felt like something was missing. She knew what it was, too. Giles had taken her heart when he had left. Now, all that was left was her broken and battered body.

Lying in bed, she stared up at the ceiling. Tonight, was a nightmare night. She didn't always have nightmares. There were the occasional good dreams thrown in. In a way, though, they were almost as painful as the nightmares because she knew they were just dreams and she would soon wake up and be faced with the emptiness that was her life. Tonight, however, when she closed her eyes all she saw was digging herself out of her grave and Giles leaving her. Those were the two memories that haunted her the most.

Curling herself into a ball, she cried for all the things she had lost and all the pain that she felt. She could see the sun rising between the blinds on her window and wondered if she would ever feel alive again.

*************

Giles pulled up in front of the Summers house just as the sun was beginning to touch the sky. He got out of the rental and gently shut the door. Reaching the front door, Giles found it unlocked and entered, making as little noise as possible. He couldn't quite believe that, living on the Hellmouth, no one had thought to lock the door. He had to admit, though, that locked doors didn't really stop things from entering if they wanted to get in. Creeping quietly up the stairs, he paused outside Buffy's room. He could hear her jagged sobbing through the door and his heart went out to her. Opening the door, he found her huddled on her bed. He moved to the bed and picked Buffy up in his arms.

Buffy squeaked in surprise; she hadn't heard anyone entering her room. She turned her head to see who, or what, had picked her up. She sighed in relief when she saw the green eyes that haunted her dreams at night. Reaching up, she ran the back of her fingers over his cheek. "Only a dream," she murmured.

Dawn, having been woken earlier by the sounds of Buffy's nightmare, heard her sister's muffled squeal and hurried to her door. She had to hold back her own squeal when she saw who was in her sister's room. She hurried down the hall to Willow and Tara's room. The two witches had gotten back together earlier that week and she was so happy to have Tara back in the house. "You guys, wake up, hurry," she whispered as loudly as she dared. Both girls were light sleepers from years of living on the Hellmouth, and they immediately woke up expecting danger. Dawn shushed them before they had a chance to speak and led them to the door. The lovers exchanged a smile when they saw what was happening.

"Does this feel like a dream?" Giles murmured back before kissing her.

"Yes," Buffy replied sadly. "That's the only time you're ever here. I'll wake up soon and then you'll be gone again."

Sighing, Giles saw that this was going to take a little more work. He turned and carried her out the door nearly running into the three girls that stood there. They all jumped back guiltily, but smiled at him. He smiled at them briefly and continued on his way downstairs. The three girls exchanged glances before running after him. They didn't want to miss this.

Giles managed to maneuver Buffy in his arms so he could open the door. He carried her out into the morning light. Buffy blinked against the brightness. She shook her head, "I don't belong here anymore."

Giles lowered her feet to the ground so she was standing. "You have always belonged in the light, Buffy. You just need to believe it."

She blinked her eyes and looked around. "Are you really here?" she whispered.

"Now and forever," Giles vowed.

Buffy put her hand to her chest. It was as if he was able to put her back together with just those words. Giles watched her face as a smile began to blossom across it. She held out her arms and twirled in the sunlight, laughing delightedly. "You came back," she said facing him once again. "My dream came true. How did you know?"

Giles couldn't help glancing towards the doorway where the three girls were trying not to look too obvious. Buffy just laughed again and threw her arms around Giles' neck, pulling his head down. She pressed her lips to his and he eagerly responded. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he lifted her off the ground and held her tight. Buffy knew that everything would be okay now.

Willow and Dawn were hugging each other and barely keeping themselves from jumping up and down in glee. "We did it!" Dawn cried happily. Buffy was back.


End file.
